#2 - How to be a Parisian in less than one hour!

In this episode discover how spiders can bring joy and hope in France! Find out whether it’s really true you shouldn’t turn up on time for dinner at a French person’s house! And learn how to be a Parisian in less than one hour with Olivier Giraud, a Paris legend. He’s a stand-up comedian who has performed his hilarious English speaking show to more than 1 million people – and his advice will have you laughing out loud.

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// Transcript of The Good Life France's podcast. Main feature: the guest interview.
--> Olivier Giraud. French comedian. "How to become Parisian in one hour" //

Speaker: Janine Marsh
Today we're absolutely thrilled to have Olivier Giraud on the show. He is a comedian. He is an author, and he's a legend. He's a man who makes people roll off their seats laughing in the packed theatre he plays to in Paris with his one man show. He's a Parisian and he's taught more than 1 million people how to be a Parisian too - in just one hour. And if your parents taught you to grow up to be a kind person with values such as politeness and punctuality, well forget all that because if you want to be a Parisian, Olivier says, you just can't do that. His brilliantly fun show 'How to become a Parisian in one hour' at the 'Théâtre des Nouveautés', at Boulevard Poissonnière in the ninth arrondissement, which is a district in Paris, is an absolute essential Paris visit. It will explain the cultural differences between Parisians and well, everyone else. And it will make you laugh out loud. And I promise you will look around you in Paris with renewed awe. So students, sit back, pay attention and get ready to find out more about life in the Parisian jungle according to Olivier Giraud.

So Olivier, we'd love to know when it comes to Parisians - it's almost like we think of them as a separate race from the rest of the French, maybe the rest of the world. But what's myth and what's reality, I'm going to ask you about some of the cliches. Let's start with the famous arrogance of Parisians. Is that true? Or false? Are Parisians arrogant?

Speaker: Olivier Giraud
We are all arrogant. I mean, we live in the most beautiful city in the world. We speak French without any accent. We have the best restaurants. It would be such a pity to be a nice person. So yeah, of course we are all arrogant.

Speaker: Janine Marsh
You say that, but I have to say that most of them are nice

Speaker: Olivier Giraud
Most of them are nice… hmm but most of the time, if you see a nice person in Paris, if you ask them questions, they come from the 'province'.

Speaker: Janine Marsh
But I think you're nice and I meet nice people when I'm in Paris, traveling, someone always offers to help me with my suitcase up and down the stairs when I'm lost at the station.

Speaker: Olivier Giraud
Yes, they are pickpockets. Be careful Janine.

Speaker: Janine Marsh
It's not true, everyone, they're nice people. So, question two: all Parisians are slim. This is what everyone believes everywhere around the world. And actually, I believe it too, because I was once in Paris having lunch at the Cafe de la Paix, near Opera Garnier. And it's a famous restaurant. It's very gastronomic. And I was sitting there having a delicious steak chips. And a woman sat next to me at the table. And she was clearly French, and clearly Parisian because she ordered a bowl of lettuce for lunch, just a bowl of lettuce, nothing else. And then she said: "Can I have the ketchup please?" And she put some ketchup on it. And she had nothing else for the whole lunch that I was there, anyway, so true or false? Are all Parisians slim.

Speaker: Olivier Giraud
I would say that Parisians are quite slim. I used to live in America for five years. And when I came back to Paris, I was very shocked about the Parisians. And I checked all the numbers. Like in Paris, there is only 10% of the people who are overweight. And I think it's because the people run all the time. We are walking like more than five kilometers per day with the Metro and all the steps. And Parisians are very careful about food. Even at the food market they try to find like a good product, organic product. And we do not snack as well. And there is like a cliche of the Parisians every morning with the croissant, the French baguette, the jam... all the charcuterie and the cheese. We try to be very careful about the food and the way we look.

Speaker: Janine Marsh
It's a really strange thing because you know, everybody, we all think, everybody around the world, French people just eat croissants and, and chocolatine or pains au chocolat and Nutella spread thickly on toast and baguettes and cakes and wine and cheese all day long. But actually...

Speaker: Olivier Giraud
No, it's not. It's wrong.

Speaker: Janine Marsh
Yeah. So what do you have at breakfast?

Speaker: Olivier Giraud
Only a coffee. A 'cafe allonge' which is like a kind of American coffee, it's like espresso with hot water. It's like typical Parisian coffee only, and sometimes if I do have like guests in my house, I'd buy some croissants but like three times per year...

Speaker: Janine Marsh
3 times a year!

Speaker: Olivier Giraud
Yeah. Or 4 times.

Speaker: Janine Marsh
Who eats all the croissants then?

Speaker: Olivier Giraud
Who eats the croissants? I think that the young people, I think the youngsters like the kids they love the pain au chocolat. Or you say pain au chocolat in Paris or otherwise in South of France is chocolatine. It's like a big war in France. There is the team chocolatine and the team pain au chocolat, who are always fighting. The kids would have the pain au chocolat you know after school. They love to have one. Otherwise, the tourists they love the French baguette. the croissant, the pain au chocolat, but Parisians, not very often I would say the croissant.

Speaker: Janine Marsh
Yeah, I love a croissant for breakfast me.

Speaker: Olivier Jauffrit
Me too.

Speaker: Olivier Giraud
You don't live in Paris.

Speaker: Olivier Jauffrit
Here you go, that's where the explanation is.

Speaker: Janine Marsh
It's a Paris thing, folks. So question 3. My friend Vanessa is a true Parisian. She works for the tourist office, actually. And she was born and bred in Paris, and she will never ever leave Paris, she says. She will never ever wear any colour but black. Seriously, I've known Vanessa now for I don't know, maybe 12 years and I've never seen her wear anything but black trousers or black suit or a little black dress when we're going out in the evening. Is this a Paris thing?

Speaker: Olivier Giraud
Yes, it is. Concerning myself, like, I wear only black. And sometimes someone is like, let's be crazy, I put on some gray or dark blue. But I think Parisians try to feel invisible, you know. And you can see like, in the Metro, you can see the tourists with the flowers and black and red, like red, pink, yellow... But Parisians yeah, they try to put like a dark colour.

Speaker: Janine Marsh
Wow, to be invisible. Is that because it's such a busy town? Well, you know, it's not really a busy city compared to London, I suppose, or New York, which is, you know, quite a bit bigger. But I guess in terms of France is quite a busy big city. So being invisible is a good thing?

Speaker: Olivier Giraud
I think it's a good thing. And like Coco Chanel used to say I like the colour as long as it is black.

Speaker: Janine Marsh
Do you wear black pyjamas?

Speaker: Olivier Giraud
All the time? Black or grey.

Speaker: Olivier Jauffrit
What about pants?

Speaker: Olivier Giraud
Pants? Dark blue jeans

Speaker: Janine Marsh
Wow.

Speaker: Olivier Giraud
Only. And then in the theatre it's only in black.

Speaker: Janine Marsh
So you push the boat out with blue jeans and some flash of colour amongst all the black shirts and pants and socks. Yes. Ok. Wow. I mean, I must say when you're in Paris, you do notice a lot of people wearing black. So right now I must assume that everyone wearing black is a Parisian and everyone not wearing black is either from outside of Paris or a visitor.

Speaker: Olivier Giraud
Next time you come to Paris Janine, only in black.

Speaker: Janine Marsh
I'm actually going to Paris on Wednesday, and I'm gonna wear black and see if anyone thinks I'm Parisian.

Speaker: Olivier Giraud
You have to.

Speaker: Janine Marsh
So question 4. Okay, this is from my friend of mine, who lives in London and she said she went to Paris and she was overhearing people in a cafe and they were chatting and they were saying: oh, 'Bobo' il est 'Bobo', elle est 'Bobo'. And she said, and I hear this a lot from my Paris friends and I think, what is that - she lives a Bobo life. What is a Paris Bobo?

Speaker: Olivier Giraud
So a 'bobo', the term bobo is a mixture of two terms. Using the first letters to each word, like 'bourgeois' which means a rich person. Like the two first letters are be an O so 'BO', and then 'boheme' meaning like bohemian. The two first letters are 'bo', so it's bobo. Translation is - a rich person who lives like a poor person.

Speaker: Janine Marsh
So does a bobo eat croissants for breakfast?

Speaker: Olivier Giraud
They can eat croissants but I think they love the croissant with some pumpkin seeds! This is really bobo and the bobo is kind of funny because they're like yeah, we have to fight or we have to save the planet for example. They go on holidays like 10 times per year they go to the Reunion island, they go to America, they travel a lot. So I think that they save the planet only you know with friends... talking like this, but not doing that too much.

Speaker: Janine Marsh
Do they wear black? Because that's not very bohemian.

Speaker: Olivier Giraud
Yeah, they put some colours the bobo! A bit more colour and a bit of flowers. You can find some bobos close to Canal St Martin, in the 11th arrondissement. You can find them every Sunday morning in a market buying like 10 euro a kilogram apples. But they're so happy like yeah, it's a good quality, of course for 10 euros! You find some of them in the 19th arrondissement, the 20th and now in Montreuil. I don't know if you know Montreuil?

Speaker: Janine Marsh
Yes I do.

Speaker: Olivier Giraud
It's a suburb with a lot of bobos!

Speaker: Janine Marsh
So if anyone listening, if you want to go bobo spotting, head to Montreuil or the 11th arrondissement. And spot people wearing black clothes with a splash of colour and maybe eating croissants, for a true sight of Paris.

Right, now this might be a tough question actually. Because I think there are two different answers to this personally. But there is one answer that I have experienced and it's about Parisian waiters. You know if you read any magazines, if you read any websites about Paris, people will go oh, Parisian waiters, they are so rude. They are also arrogant to clients. You would think that going into a restaurant spending money by buying food, buying wine and dining there that you would be treated really well. But how true is it that a Parisian waiter will be rude to a client?

Speaker: Olivier Giraud
I will say that in Paris, we have different kinds of restaurants. If you go to a really high class restaurant, most of the time, I mean 95% of the time the waiter will be nice, because they have a big reputation, and they have to be nice. But if you go to a Brasserie, even for Parisians it's very hard to find a nice one that is like, when you arrive: "hello, how are you? Welcome!" I think it never happened to me, like in the past five years. So yeah, okay, I'll sit, and their facial expression means like, ahhh, another guest, I'm fed up with this job. We're used to this. That's why now Parisians, I guess, are not nice as well. But yes, so so many tourists are very shocked about the way they are treated by the waiters. But that's a Paris thing, it's like this, and they are not too nice, but they can be fast. And you eat well. And the problem is - the tips are included in Paris, and in all of France. So that means that they don't have to be nice, because the service is paid already. In America: hey, welcome to the Cheesecake Factory! They're very nice and then you give like 20%. In Paris, perhaps you can give one or two euros if the service is good. But most of the time you leave nothing.

Speaker: Janine Marsh
You could go into a restaurant and they could just be absolutely awful for you. And they're still going to get a tip, whether you like it or not.

Speaker: Olivier Giraud
There's some guests you know, they think the tips are not included. So they add like 10 or 20%, even if the service is bad, so, they don't have to be nice.

Speaker: Janine Marsh
I haven't really had that many experiences. But I've had the look that you described, you know where I've walked in and just asked for a cup of coffee. And then they look at me as if I've I asked for something really unspeakable, rather than a cup of coffee. But you're right they're fast. And you get what you want.

Speaker: Olivier Giraud
I think in Paris, you don't go to a restaurant for the service. You go there and you have some good food and you know that the service is not going to be outstanding, but we're used to it. And even like the tourists, they have to be very careful. You know, when you order like an American coffee, most of the time they charge twice the price. They charge like a double espresso, which is like five euros. And if you ask for 'cafe allongé' it's 2.50. So yeah, people have to be careful because they make double money.

Speaker: Janine Marsh
I saw a sign once in a cafe and it said if you ask for a coffee and you say 'Bonjour un cafe s'il vous plait' you'll get it for one price. And if you walk in and just go 'un cafe!', you get it for a much higher price. I don't know if that's true.

Speaker: Olivier Giraud
It's not in Paris. Because all the time I see this joke is like one coffee one euro and in Paris, you can find a coffee, like 2 euro two, 2 euro 50. It must be in Provence!

Speaker: Janine Marsh

Okay, so everyone - 95% of the time, you're not going to get a rude waiter in Paris. Simple as that. Smile, say Bonjour. Say 's'il vous plait'. You're probably going to get a really nice happy waiter. Yeah, yeah, that's what I reckon.

Okay, this is quite a tough one I think actually, because I don't know the answer to this. It's about shopping. Where does a typical Parisian go shopping for clothes? You know, I suppose we all think it's going to be the Champs-Elysees, which is always full of shoppers, but I've to be honest, most of them do seem to be visitors. So I'm assuming that Parisians go somewhere else.

Speaker: Olivier Giraud
Yeah, Parisians don't go on the 'Champs-Elysees' because yeah, there's not too many shops it's only like very expensive shops. Parisians go to 'Les Halles', close to 'Chatelet'. It's like a place where you have like so many shops. Rue the Rivoli, now it's better than because there's no more cars so it's good, I will say like Rue de Rivoli, then 'Les Halles'. Rue de Rennes as well, in the 6th arrondissement, and if you have a lot of money you can go close to the Champs-Elysees, which is Avenue Montaigne, you know for like Dior, Chanel, Jean-Paul Gaultier... you know expensive shops.

Speaker: Janine Marsh
Millionaire's row huh? So the Parisians never leave Paris to go shopping? Do they ever leave Paris?

Speaker: Olivier Giraud
Of course we have friends in the suburbs. And for us, it's horrible to go to 'Banlieue' (suburbs). It's like so long. It takes less time to go to Greece than going to the suburbs, with all the strikes... No, it's hard for Parisians to go to the suburbs. It's not easy for us. I have become a real Parisian now.

Speaker: Janine Marsh
So from your experience. I mean, you said you lived in America for five years. So is shopping in Paris a bit different from shopping in America or anywhere else for that matter. Is Paris shopping, you know, a special thing?

Speaker: Olivier Giraud
Yeah. In Paris. A lot of people like going to shop on Saturday. They do that a lot. The service is like it is in restaurants. It's funny. You know, if you go to America: Hey welcome to H&M, welcome. My name is Tracy. They're very nice. In Paris, it's different I mean, you, you get in, you don't have to smile, you know, you look for what you want, and then you leave. It's kind of different.

Speaker: Janine Marsh
It's very different. I mean, I went shopping in Paris, and I saw this beautiful dress. And I went in - and it was in the shop window. And I said, Oh, I really love that dress in the shop window. Do you think you have it in my size? And she just looked me up and down and said 'non'.

Speaker: Olivier Giraud
Non - c'est pas possible

Speaker: Janine Marsh
This is what she said.

Speaker: Olivier Giraud
When you're Parisian and you go shopping, if the sales advisor ask you 'you need some hel?’. Even if you need some help, just say 'non je regarde'. You need to be alone, you know, you don't want to be disturbed by somebody. And, if later, you need some help you say yeah, oh, come on, I need some help. And then the person comes and will help you but just look alone and don't ask for any help.

Speaker: Janine Marsh
Just look at the clothes where everything is black in the corner.

Speaker: Olivier Giraud
Completely. Then you leave.

Speaker: Janine Marsh
Okay, then you leave and talking about leaving. That's actually my next question. Where did Parisians go on holiday? I mean, we read in magazines that Parisians go to 'Ile de Ré' or they go to Deauville. Nowhere else in France do they go. Occasionally Provence...

Speaker: Olivier Giraud
Provence? Yeah, but it's more common to go to Deauville or Trouville in Normandy. I don't like Deauville. It's all the rich Parisians going there you know with the Chanel and Jean-Paul Gaultier's shops everywhere, and the beautiful cars. I don't really like Deauville. But if you cross the bridge you have Trouville, which is like Deauville, but when you have a bit less of money than Deauville, and I think it's good but the weather's not amazing there. But Parisians go there, like for a weekend or a long weekend. They go to 'Ile de Ré'. Now Brittany is very famous now - everybody wants to go to Brittany and, it's funny when the Parisians go to a Brittany, they dress like people from Brittany you know the 'mariniere', a shirt with stripes, you know? And also the plastic boots...

Speaker: Janine Marsh
I think we call them crocs.

Speaker: Olivier Giraud
Oh yeah, the crocs. It's kind of funny. You can see the Parisians in Brittany: all look the same.

Speaker: Janine Marsh
Wow. So Parisians go on holiday and they fling off their black clothes and they put on black and white instead.

Speaker: Olivier Giraud
And then for the bobo, they love camping, you know. The Parisian bobo, they go camping. They spend so much money for a little space in the country. No water or electricity - they pay so much but they're very happy. Otherwise Parisians go to Greece now. Everybody's going to Greece. We all take August holidays all the time. That's why everything is closed in Paris or if you're looking for a bakery or even a bank - everything is closed in August most of the time.

Speaker: Janine Marsh
It's astonishing, isn't it? I can't believe it. Sometimes I go on holiday. Or I go out for the day in July or August and restaurants are shut and there's a sign on the door saying ‘we are on holiday’.

Speaker: Olivier Giraud
C'est ferme !

Speaker: Janine Marsh
This is peak tourist season. How can you be on holiday? Hotels close in July and August and I read somewhere as well, you saying about everyone goes on holiday in August, that you are either a July person or an August person. And there is a name for this and I find it almost impossible to say August in French.

Speaker: Olivier Giraud
If you go on holidays in August, you are an 'aoutien'. If you go on holidays in July, you are a 'juilletiste'.

Speaker: Olivier Jauffrit
When they cross each other on the road. It's a nightmare. And a war as well.

Speaker: Olivier Giraud
For sure.

Speaker: Janine Marsh
Wow, I'm beginning to get a picture here. It's either Pain au chocolat or Chocolatine. You either go on holiday in July or you go in August, so there are two different tribes going on here.

Speaker: Olivier Giraud
And August is even more expensive. Everything is so expensive in August. More than July.

Speaker: Janine Marsh
Oh, I didn't know that. Okay.

Speaker: Olivier Giraud
August is... because everybody.. the demand for renting is so high, so the price are crazy. If you go in July, it's better.

Speaker: Janine Marsh
So is there a word for the people that go on holiday in September? Because when I was in Bordeaux recently, there were lots of older people. One of them said to me, ‘Oh, we are the mamies and the papies. We look after the grandchildren in the holidays, and then we get our holiday in September.’

Speaker: Olivier Giraud
Yes. Best time, you know, June and September. It's very good.

Speaker: Janine Marsh
Is that mamie and papie time? Is there really no word for that?

Speaker: Olivier Giraud
Mamie and papie time! I have a daughter. She's nearly eight now. But when she was younger, we used to go on holidays in June and in September. It's the best best time.

Speaker: Janine Marsh
I like it. And I agree. Okay, I have another question. And this is probably quite important for anyone who comes to Paris on holiday and doesn't want to stand out like a tourist. And some of us don't. Is there one thing that you should do or that you shouldn't do? That something that makes you stand out so that everyone goes you're a tourist?

Speaker: Olivier Giraud
I would say like I said before Janine: the way you dress you know try to put some black or grey. So many times I can see like tourists and you can see they're tourists they're wearing like a shirt with like 'God Bless America' with the cap 'In America we trust'. No don't take this cap keep it at home and if you see very smiley people on the street, I'm sure they are tourists. Don't even move your eyes or lips or whatever, just try to be depressed… And the way you speak as well you know, when you go to a bakery (a boulangerie) and that is something that makes me laugh all the time, the tourists: Yeah, we would like the crapes, crapes. No, come on, crêpes when you say crapes, you're making three mistakes. It's not a cray. It’s crrr crrr, it's Crêpe. And it's one crepe, 2 crepe. Even if you're right theres as 's" at the end. You don't pronounce it. So when you say crapes, you're a tourist. And, the biggest mistake people can make is like: Yeah, we love Macron! Macron is our president. Macaron is a pastry. You know, that's a big difference.

Speaker: Janine Marsh
I'm guilty of having friends who call him Macaron as well and Mrs. Macaron...

Speaker: Olivier Giraud
Emmanuel Macaron and Brigitte Macaron.

Speaker: Janine Marsh
You're saying about don't smile, because sometimes I have to go to meetings with French people. And they always say to me, you smile too much. People won't trust you. But I like to smile. I'm happy.

Speaker: Olivier Giraud
You know, when you're walking in Paris in the streets, and you see people smiling, you're like, what happened? Why did they smile? What happened? And we feel like the person is weird. So yeah, don't be nice.

Speaker: Janine Marsh
So now we have learned from this: always wear black, have a cup of coffee for breakfast and nothing else. Never eat a croissant, never a pain au chocolat. Don't smile, don't wear a baseball cap. And you will be a Parisian in Paris.

Speaker: Olivier Giraud
You can smoke as well.

Speaker: Janine Marsh
Yeah. Well, you know, I don't think I can condone that, actually, Olivier, on this on this show.

Speaker: Olivier Jauffrit
I do have a quick question for Olivier as well, actually. So you know America quite well, as we said before, do you think you could also do the show 'How to become a New Yorker in one hour', for instance, or only Parisians are inspiring or funny or rude enough to write such a show?

Speaker: Olivier Giraud
I'm not sure I will be able to play the show 'How to become a New Yorker'. Because I've been to New York like twice or three times as a tourist. And I think to play this kind of show, you need to know the people perfectly. You know like in Paris I've been here for like the past 20 years. I spent up to two hours per day in a terrace having a coffee and watching Parisians, watching tourists, watching expats. And I wouldn't feel that comfortable to play the show 'How to become a New Yorker' because the Parisians are a very different race.

Speaker: Olivier Jauffrit
That's fair enough. So it's a privilege for Parisians. I like that.

Speaker: Janine Marsh
Just Parisian. Thank you so much Olivier for being our first guest. Brilliant.

Speaker: Olivier Giraud
Thank you very much Olivier and Janine. Merci beaucoup

Speaker: Janine Marsh
Merci au revoir.

Speaker: Olivier Jauffrit
Okay, if you're lucky enough to be in Paris. Book your tickets for Olivia Giraud's brilliant show 'How to become a Parisian in one hour' at his website, OliverGiraud.com. He also has a book of the same name, which is available from his website - again, that's OliverGiraud.com.

// End of transcript. The Good Life France's podcast is available on all podcast platforms, on TheGoodLifeFrance.com, and on ParisChanson.fr //

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#2 - How to be a Parisian in less than one hour!

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